Mark An Essay

This is the picture of the essay that I have to mark.My phone camera is not so clear, so I typed the essay here.

A Scary Experience

The last year. I with my friends snow and Elva went to theme park. We was a very nice and scary day.

This theme park is very big. One eye can’t saw the end. There were a many entertainmer facilities. We played a lot of fun things. We played the merry-go-round, advance through the rapids, the roller coaster…….

we saw the haunted house really went to played. But when we walked to the door, snow said to us that doesn’t went to go in. we asked her why, she said the terrible. We encouraged her, said we could always with her. She agreed to went to in with us.

First, we just walked in, feeled a very black. But we were a little bit into the inside. We heard some sounds. Snow tinghtly caughted our hands. After that we continue went to inside. We feels a hand caught our feet. We were very scared. More and more went to inside, terribled thing more and more. We saw a vampire in the corner tongue out. Scared we closed the eyes. emit cold sweat. We had been closed eyes out of the haunted house.

Finished, we all went home. This was really beautiful and ‘scary’ experience day.

Overall, the essay is understandable. I can understand what the student trying to say in her essay even though the sentences is not in correct way. For this essay, I give 10/20 marks to her. This student has some ideas to write, but maybe she did not know how to express it in writing or problem with English. She shows some understanding in writing and topic development.

Actually, she did not make a lot of mistakes in her essay. But she has problems with punctuation, spelling, and capital letter for people’s name. For example, ‘The last year. I with my friends snow and Elva went to theme park’. I know that Snow is her friend, just like Elva but she did not use capital letter for the pronoun. After the sentence ‘The last year .’, she put period (.) instead of comma (,).

Besides punctuation, spelling, and capital letter, this student has a problem with using past tense. She knew that the sentence has to use past tense, but she do not know what is the past tense for certain words. For example, she wrote ‘feeled’ instead of felt and ‘caughted’ instead of caught.

As the conclusion, this student is able to manage her essay well, the introductory paragraph, the body, and the conclusion. This means she has some ideas to write but has some problem in certain parts.